The story of the tree hole.

So this one day, when we first arrived in London, we were going through all of these old pictures on our computers. And when I went through, I found.. this...



For some reason, everyone seemed to think it was pretty hillarious.. and spawned a massive amount of follow up pictures..
all with the pose.. TREE HOLEEE.

kiiiiickBALLLLLL.

:)



The kickball ones are at the end here...


but here is me as permanent pitcher :)

Im back to not getting out of bed.

I could feel a hot one taking me down
For a moment, I could feel the force
Veiny to the point of tears
And you were holding on to make a point
What's the point?

I am but a clean man, stable and alone man
Make it so I won't have to try
The faces always stay the same
So I'll face the fact that I'm just fine
I said that I'm just fine

I remember, head down
After you had found out
Manna is a hell of a drug
And I need a little more, I think
Because enough is never quite enough
What's enough?

I took it like a grown man crying on the pavement
Hoping you would show your face
But I haven't heard a thing you've said
In at least a couple hundred days
What'd you say?

I was in the front seat, shaking it out
And I was asking if you felt all right
I never want to hear the truth
I want to hear your voice, it sounded fine
My voice is sounding fine

I could feel my heartbeat taking me down
And for the moment, I would sleep all right
Veiny with a selfish fear
To keep me up another restless night
Another restless night

The blood was dry, it was sober
The feeling of audible cracks
And I could tell it was over
From the curtains that hung from your neck

And I realized that then you were perfect
With my teeth ripping out of my head
And it looked like a painting I once knew
Back when my thoughts were not the leak intact

So I prayed for what I thought were angels
Ended up being ambulances
And the Lord showed me dreams of my daughter
She was crying inside your stomach

And I felt love again


http://www.mygazines.com/issue/353/77

A Night To Remember.

K, just listen to this while you read.. the video with it is a werid kids book.. freaks me out


Some days I just dont understand. Which is probably good, it keeps me mortal. I know that my understanding is so much less than Gods. But it doesnt keep me from being EXTREMELY frusterated.

Last night was hard. It was a really successful day, but then one of our own got really sick, and we were trying to stick with him for a few hours, even thought we couldnt get anyone to answer their phones. Then I was super worried about the whole family after a phone call I had, and everything just started piling up. I really didnt understand why I was even here.

But I feel like we all have found our places here now. We are all getting along really well, and as much as it is hard for me to be following the hardest thing our family has gone through, with some of the best days of my life, I can still appreciate where I am. Communication with everyone in my life is so difficult right now though, and all I've wanted to do recently is sleep. Which is not a new thing for me.. but it is a worrisome thing. Even right now as i type, im so tired my eyes are closing on their own.

But.. I decided to go out last night regardless. And the result?
Well...
Here are some amazing pictures that were taken with some of the best friends I ever could have hoped for.



Basically, we went to a cafe for hot cocoa, and everyone passed around my camera..
we played the "shake your head and see how bad of a picture you can get" game, and liz and I were supposed to pretend to shoot sugar packets... but I missed the pretend part..
And I went to the bathroom and the boys took pictures of themselves.

Then we went to see the eiffel tower light up at 12am (aka Eiffey gettin hyphy)
And took advantage of the low light to use long exposure time. The result? Pictures of our souls, and a wicked awesome band cover. :)

Good Graces, Bad Influence.

Museums museums museums… Some Yoga.. a little painting.. MORE MUSEUMS!

That’s pretty much what this week was. I’ve talked about everything on this blog recently eXcept, what we have been doing in class.. So i will cover that tonight. :)

Yesterday we went to the Museum D’Orsay, which honestly was one of the coolest museums we’ve been to yet. It was full of the impressionism era paintings of Monet, Manet, Pissaro, Gaughan, and VAN GOGH! *Excited Squeal*

We meet again.. my friend.

 

It was seriously amazing.

Then I had lots of photography assignments due.

 

This was everyone’s favorite.

 

 

But I liked this one too.

 

Then There was a Pastry Project Due while i was gone, so I had like one day to finish it…. This is what I got.

 

 

Notice it depletes as the day goes on?

Ugh.. I don’t really like these..

Oh well..

WEEKEND TIME!

Lets celebrate with some music? Yes please.

 

 

11 Elephants on Parade.

My Birthday in Paris was pretty much completely bomb. :)

I went to breakfast at 830, and Meg and Galean had a whole birthday party for me, complete with Rupert the crochet'd teddy bear, Galean waving around a birthday banner, and a sparkler stuck in a chocolate croissant!
Then I got to go sleep in, and the KR3W (- Drew who was in Switzerland, but brought me back chocolate today) went to St. Micheal for the day. We went to Shakespeares bookstore and hung out there for a few hours ( I wish it would have been days.. love it there) then we went down by the Siene and took tons of pictures/waved like Asains at boats that went by, wittnessed a man pee'ing on the wall, and then watched Jeff climb the wall later.
We came back to my room, and watched Nine, because I downloaded it when I was home, and Jeff wanted to watch it so bad he was about to pee himself... and then we went out to my birthday dinner.
We found a place that had 3 course meals for like 3 Euros, and we just walked in, and they gave us our very own room. We all ate, and everyone told there favorite things about me, which included my Tree Hole Pose, my bra, my sense of humor, my Random Outbursts in Spanish, my bathrobe, my helpful advice/personality (I dont know that thats so much me, as it is my major) and my ability to be dancing with someone at a club before everyone is even down the stairs. (Thank you for that Lauren.)

It was a completely hillarious night, and then My roomie gave me beautiful flowers, and they gave me a card with 11 elephants in it :) Everyone drew there very own.

It was an awesome night... oh and I had 2 crepes through out the day... and got to say "MON ANNIVERSARE!" like a million times.. and it had 0 effect. hahaha

Well Im 20 now?
I have no idea what this means.. but this CD sara gave me is COMPLETELY BOMB!






*******************************************
Im exsausted and had a bloody noise/migraine/nausea combo all night / jetlag/ trying really hard to be happy for my whole birthday, even though I was missing papa like crazy, and just wanted to cry a little :(
Anyway, all of that made trying to draw a naked guy completely out of triangles a little frusterating and infuriating today..
So I think Im going to do my poetry project and pass out of exsaustion now.. thats pretty much all of the updates that I have.

Back to Paris… Back to real life?

Or back to just crying when I wake up and before I got to sleep… I’m seriously confused as to why so much crap all happens at once…

I tell new people about my life sometimes.. and they just stare at me like I made the whole thing up…

But seriously.. Why? cant I just be left alone for a little while.. All I want is something stable.. something real, and maybe some sincerity..

And a song for you. Cant get it out of my head.. thanks Sara.

I did a sick, sick thing to my love.
My lack of loyalty, it swallowed her up.
And she cooked me food.
She squirmed and turned like a skeleton key.
She left her man and attended to me.
And don't call me that.
Don't claim you love me,
Cause you know that ain't true.
My dire affliction I'll attribute to you.
And you're finally free
To twist and turn like a skeleton key.
You've gotta let me know.
You've gotta let me know.
I did a horrible thing to that girl.
I bred my misery and drowned it in her.
And she got me high,
And I hardly noticed there were tears in her eyes.
And I miss you less and less everyday.
And it's true the whiskey's helped to wash you away.
And it's clear to see,
You're nothing special.
You're a skeleton key.
You've gotta let me know.
You've gotta let me know.
You've gotta let me know.
You've gotta let me know

Pictures of Paris So far..

Well.. thats all there is to do I suppose.

The funeral was nice papa. You would have liked it. and it was very nice to have Bob there, doing for us what you have done for everyone else for so many years.

Sis and I really tried, and we held it together pretty well I think, all things considered. But I wrote this on the plane, and I thought I'd put it on here so I wouldnt forget how I want to remember you. (not sure that really makes sense...)


* Papa was the best hug you've ever been given. He was the laughter that brought the room to tears. He was the smell of "afta" and the brush of "whiskers". He was the heavy laden step at the end of the hall, the last thing you heard before you went to sleep, and the first thing you heard when in the morning. He was the freshly baked bread that Im pretty sure no one else knows how to make. He was Christmas Eve. He was the most comforting prayer to be heard and the best shoulder to lean on. He was the creased skin under his eyes that told of the pain of others that he had lifted and carried for years. He was in between the lines, the soundtrack, the truss'... always there, but never needing credit for holding everything together. He was unending love, faithful service, and boundless grace. *

Love you Papa. have to go back now.. but I promise we'll take care of her.. as well as we can...

Im too tired to type.. Really. Its 309 in Paris.

But i just want to scream. I want people to stop asking me about Paris. I want people to stop saying they are sorry about my "grandpa".
Grandpas die all the time. Papa doesnt. Theres only one Papa and he was EVERYTHING to this family.
I lost both my moms parents when I was 10.. Mema and Papa were supposed to live forever...
He wasnt ready to go.. he woke up that morning and filled up his pill cases for the next month.. and went to do his taxes..
This just isnt right.. not at all.
It only took 15 hours for an infection to rip away the strongest man I ever knew.

I want to cry and then throw up.

I keep having to touch his hand in the casket so that I know hes gone.. cause his hands are cold. He never had cold hands.. his hands were always warm.. he always had a hug and a smile ready.

Make it go away....
He wont be at my wedding.. hes never even met who Im going to marry... He'll never see my kids...
Why did this happen?

Papa - Im holding it together for you.. but I only have a few more days with you and the family.. I dont know what to do.. please... help me. I love you so much....
Im taking care of Mema the way I think you'd want.. and I know you'd be proud of Daddy.. he's taken care of everything.. and got the whole family here.. from 3 different countries and 4 time zones.. to all be here with you.. and for Mema.
I think you taught us all enough, that we will be able to get through this.. But Papa, all of us just want one more day with you.

Ive got to go to sleep before I cry again...

I cant believe it.

I cant believe Im not in Paris.
I cant believe Im in Michigan.
I cant believe I just spent the last 3 hours with my 2 best friends.
I cant believe I keep driving down Tyrrell rd.
I cant believe my parents and sister and Brennan are here.

But I just wont believe he's really gone.

I love you, Papa.

Im trying everything I can, but if I cant get back.. Papa I love you so much.
You have been the glue that holds are family together for so long. You are stronger than this..
Pull through this please.. I still need you.
Please.. Im praying as hard as I can...
Come back to us.

Malade dans Paris.

(If you wish to listen to what I typed this too. Click here. :)

So my first day in Paris wasn't the best with being sick and all, but I will use it to close the London chapter. :)

So we went to MORE museums at the end of the week. And the last two were my favorite.  We went to the Tate Britain (different than the Tate modern.) And we got to see just a MASSIVE amount of art work, but it was pretty amazing, I went through the whole museum and looked for ones that I liked the best, and of the paintings I made note of “The wood Nymphs hymn to the rising sun,

and the deluge.

And they both are by Francis Danby. I loved his used of light, and its impossible to see here, but the detail he uses on the faces is incredible.

The next day we went to The Sacchi museum, which is all very contemporary art. And seriously this is the first museum that I cried at. I was so overwhelmed. First there was a piece called “Rupee”

And this was about 6 feet tall. Then next to it was a 3 paneled hologram of 2 different news paper articles. One was about a 12 year old girl who committed suicide in India when she found out that she could not afford 1 rupee for lunch at school. (The equivalent of 2 American pennies.) Then from the other side, the hologram changed and you could see another newspaper article about the lowering prices of long distance calls in India to 1 Rupee per call. Then once you finished reading it was like this giant rupee was just looming over you… a symbol of death and commerce.

I managed to hold it together though, until we went upstairs to a memorial for the American servicemen and women of the Iraq war.

This lady in San Francisco documented every single fatality of the Iraq war by sketching each one of them on a small piece of paper that reflects their skin color, and writing a sentence about each one.

This started as a small project, and she would categorize them and put them in a large map of the united states in the state that they lived in. But its been 8 years now. And as the totals have massed she had to re-organize them chronologically… it took be 4 frames to capture it.

 

I had to put my sunglasses on because I couldn’t stop crying…

As i write this I’m completely amazed that I’ve lived during 9 years of war. I cant think about it again to be honest…

*************************

*If a star were confined into a tomb, her captive flames must needs burn there. But when the hand that locked her up gives room, she’ll shine through all the sphere"* – They are all gone into a world of light – Henry Vaughn

So I got to add poetry onto my schedule this semester to make a full 17 credits. I’m really happy, and the class is amazing, Its so nice to discuss literature and poetry again, and everyone has amazing ideas and thoughts. It really helps me contrast the constant flow of art that I'm trying desperately to understand.

Between that and Photography, homework is pretty much always fun :)

Last Weeks Photo Hw.

 

Meh. They aren't that good. But we’ll see how my evaluation goes. Eek.

Well anyway, I'm definitely surviving. And I made it to Paris alive…. even if I did drag my suitcase until its wheel melted off… and then i burnt myself on the the wheel trying to fix it… (sadface) But unfortunately im very sick now, and i missed almost my whole day of classes today… it was very sad, and pretty dang overwhelming.. EXCEPT. That once I talked to my professor I went back to my room to lay down, i had JUST fallen asleep when the cleaning lady came in to our room.

Sierra my roommate was like “Oh.. umm. no no.. its ok.. my friend… she's asleep”

French Cleaning lady – “ no, no tout nettoyer”

Sierra “Oui, merci merci… but umm… no merci.. she is sick”

*Now the French cleaning lady precedes to come over to my bed hit my pillow and go* “ALLOOOOO ALLOOOOO, I CLEAN, I CLEAN”

Sierra - “No please she's sick.. ahhhh MERCI, JES DORMIR!!! “

French cleaning lady to me- “Dormir?? Ju Dormir???” Oui Oui.. I clean later?? you Dormir??”

Me - *waves frustratedly and keeps sluggishly repeating* “Oui, Oui…”

The whole thing was a little hilarious/ridiculous.

BUT hot chocolate (which here is kinda purple) pretty much fixes everything. :)

Ok.. Im going to sleep so I can MAKE IT to class tomorrow. Yikes.

Amour et Beinfait

Leslie Ann :)