48 hours?

Its amazing how so much can change in an instant.

I have spent 4 hours in the last 2 days in completely surrendered worship.

It's amazing really, that the moment Im fighting and so incredibley angry that God would ask me to give up the only thing that makes me feel anything, when he is so out of reach, distant, not tactile, that the girl next to me at the alter would reach across and put her hand on my back.

I've never cried harder.
I have no idea how this is going to play out, but I feel so happy, so at peace. And right now.. so incredibley tired. Up at 330am for a social work count of the homeless in San Diego, and I'm about ready to pass out.

But this is the most satisfying exsausted I've felt in years. :D

Is it ever going to be enough?

...Cause I'm crawling out of my own skin.

Sometimes...

You know it's funny because I've had this song for a year now, but I actually have referred to myself recently as being in my own little cave, and today I heard this again.. and it just hit me..
I've got to find a way out. :(

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/the_cave_lyrics_mumford_and_sons.html
All about Mumford And+Sons: http://www.musictory.com/music/Mumford+And+Sons

"Les, I'd go anywhere with you."

And this is why I love you "oh, so much" :D

Updatesss!

Dear those of you who have not seen my apartment and are anxiously waiting,
(Just kidding pretty sure thats only my Grandma...)
But anyway.. I will post some tomorrow.
Still then, here is some ridiculous pictures of me recently,

 Familyyyyyyyyyyy Christmas..

Um, this was some random makeup thing, I think I look retarded but there are like 25 comments on this picture? I dont get it..

RE-POST! Just to say one more time, that I love this lady deeply, we had a soul date this week that renewed me immensely

Yeah ok, I HATE this picture of me, i was dangling my keys so that she'd look at the camera, but between that and my dress I look like I have mental problems.. But anyway, andrew did a nice job of capturing my backyard.. :)

Oh.. and I gained some weight... :/ Sis too.

hahaha

 

Listening to this happen was the most ridiculous part of my mornings this week


Also as of the last 20 minutes..

I like this song. :)

Im weeks behind the west coast, and years ahead of the east.

Seriously.. It's a weird line.

But I LOVE these songs right now. :D



- (Thanks Wale, previously known as Whale )

- I'm the lil engine that could... bitch.

Golly, I'm so sorry.

I feel like I do my very best to control it so that it doesn't effect everyone else, cause I feel like its the only thing I can control.
But you see the cloud that I'm wearing and you ask.
1. Why do you do this to yourself? I want you back.
-I have no idea. I really don't. I feel like I'm on autopilot.
2. Why do you care?
-Truly I don't. Which just reverts you back to number one.

I guess I'm horribly selfish.
And I want to fix it.
But more than that I want to let you help me.

I'm terrified of both. :(

I'm Tina, and You're so not Ike :D

(Sorry Evan, I'm a dirty thief)



The day that your brother started to talk
was the day that I found you like that
the national child star in a coat and a scarf
alone in the laundromat
now we got the keys to the apartment we share
and we stay up as late as we like
like KC & Jojo, like Sunny & Cher
you're Tina but I'm not Ike

so tell me what's
tell me what's your favorite color
tell me your favorite color
tell me how's
tell me how's your younger brother
what grade's he in?

go back to the rooftops
to the homes in the town
your brother had started to say
go back to the rooftops and kick the shingles down
'cause the days and the nights are the same
and the weather complains

oh, the least you could do is try and act surprised
try and act alright
but you're here for the chase and next year's a ways away


tell me what's
tell me what's your favorite color
tell me your favorite color
tell me how's
tell me how's your younger brother
how's your younger brother?
tell me what's the first
very first record you owned
'cause I've got no plans if you don't
no plans if you don't

Phew. I's have internets again!

This is both good and bad.
However at least I've had Evans mix tapes on my computer so I had something to listen to.

And you know. I had a whole long list of incredibly awesome things to post, and the life just got sucked out of me. I'm going to bed.