Are you one of us?

Ok.. so I've been eyeing this movie for months now.. It's so much apart of our past and my future that I seem to think watching it will solve something.. I dont know.. but I still haven't gotten to see it, so now im just continuously watching the trailer..
Also this song is stuck my head.
ugh, so good though!
(Also, Sarah I loved the post you did on this months ago, so fairs fair, not copying you.. you win ;)

I'll tell you that I love you then I'll tear your world apart...

Just pretend I didn't tear your world apart.


So.. I moved out today.. on my own.. just packed a bag and left. gave my notice to the front office and am now at a friends apartment. Oh life.. you have found me nearly homeless.. and let people abandon me right at the same time. But screw you. You aren't winning this time.
Note: If you ever move out of your bat shit crazy roommates apartment and you insult her on the way out... don't forget your keys on the counter...

oops.

"You don't really know about nothin'"

Tell me what you know about dreamin'?
Tell me what you know about night terrors, nothin'"
You don't really care about the trials of tomorrow.
You'd rather lay awake in your bed full of sorrow.

But I'm on pursuit of happiness and I know,
Everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold,
I'll be fine once I get there, I'll be good.

:)

I Just Crashed.

3 different things...
1.I'm finally done
2. It really needs to be over.
3.When will this ever end?



This song is the shit. Period.

musixx dos

I think i just cracked my lung

Thats how hard I just laughed.
Thanks Mav ;)

AHHHH Save the duck!

http://fx.worth1000.com/all-sizes/536573/save-the-duck/large

New Musics (for some of you)

CommmmICCs

So.. I didnt take my ADD meds today.. mostly because I slept in way to long, because I hadn't slept in so long.. and well.. you get the picture..

So this entire idea started because I was walking to 7-11. Partially because of my awesome dog and her need for fresh air.. and mostly because my lack of Strattera made my hunger go through the fricking roof. So I walked there and looked around for a very long time before I finally decided on some ice cream.
****Note. Ice cream is expensive.

I therefore decided against Icecream, and decided instead on a larger more calorie filled icecream BAR and a huge slurpee.
Oh and on the way there my mind was going really fast and I could text anyone all
of my awesome thoughts because I forgot my phone.

So here we are.



This is what it's like everytime I try to remember to reorder my Meds...



This is why I'm blogging right now...
(Although yesterday I cleaned all the things.... so proud)


Also this is for Sara because she is suuuuuuuuuper sick. 

THE START OF THE 12 HOUR BLOGITHONNN. ;)

Alright Kid.
(^best remix everrrr)
Here I go. The ultimate attempt at emptying my brain in order to complete 4 papers in the next 12 hours...

You will find some random comics, comments, lots of music, and maybe some other treasures. Enjoy my dears. 

I'm in a castle on a cloud.. and there are 50 prostitues.. da dadadada da da da .

Baahahahaha. Drew's lyrics crack me up.
Long and short of it is that I had an AMAZING weekend :)
I got to spend so much time with my Euro-friends... who are really just normal people.. but they are so Extraordinary to me :)
We watched so many Christmas movies, and it just really helped me a lot. I can't ever Thank God too many times for bringing them into my life :)

Ps. Here are some Italy that I havent posted.. back when I was ginormous... thanks Euro-food.

I was for sure yelling profanities all the way down. :)

again.

So amazingly blessed.

Backwoods/City.. It's the same.

These songs always remind me of each other.

It's funny because I always expect something different.

I don't like it when old songs pop out of no where. :(

All I wanted to say
All I wanted to do
Is fall apart now
All I wanted to feel
I wanted to love
It's all my fault now
A tragedy I fear

I'm so lost in you
A tragedy seemed to be over now, oh now
A tragedy it seemed to be over now

Don't you ever notice a pattern? This happens when I'm completely torn. Thats when you always seem to hunt me down.
Well I'll be damned if I have to crawl out of nothing again.
I won't let it happen.

Standin' there with nothin on. She's gonna teach me how to swim...

I want to steal it back. Whatever part of me you are holding that can get me that happy and excited in such a short time. Anguish always follows near-by. But I haven't felt so much in such a long time. I'm tired of my numbness. I want my exuberant heart back.

AWESOME!

Piano Stairs from Ibrahim Nergiz on Vimeo.

And so it is Just like you said it should be....

I know you hate it.




But, I'm still this person. The one who feels so much.

I am on a serious roll today :D

A message.

So honey, back for more? Can't you see that all this stuff's essential?
Such boundless pleasure, there's no time for later.
Now you can wait, roll your eyes,
But, we've twenty seconds to comply...

3

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew

And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming?
No one's listening anyway

Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
'Cause she's got nowhere to go

And she wonders where these dreams go
'Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying?
Nothing's changing anyway

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway

And you know I see right through you
'Cause the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming?
You're not listening anyway

I'm laaame.

Hi I'm whining.

I miss Michigan, I want to go back and see my friends and my grandma like none other.

There that's all I got :(
:( :(


This weekend has sucked.
There's nothing like being behind on bills, getting your car broken into, getting bitched out by your roommate, and having infinite homework to make you think you've made all the wrong decisions in life.

Escaping more than twice a year would be nice.

Seriously??

This sounds like something and I can't figure it out:


Edit -
30 minutes of searching, and this is my best guess...

"Yeah Jimmy Buffet, You're an asshole. "

hahahahahaha.

Christmas Decorating and Friends made for a great night :)

Merry Christmas Season All :D

I's gotz an obsession

And I cant help it.
I love listening to this as I'm praying that I wont run out of gas.
Eeek.

"I dont think thats the kind of swinger they meant."

Haha, oh how i miss Sophomore year sometimes.

...So Tired

I worked 24 hours in a 36 hour period of time.. Actually I still have 2.5 hours left. With a sinus infection. And my tummy hurts.


:(

My soul is so alive, but my heart is still so cold?

I doubt the name similarity is a coincidence..

http://www.dailylove.net/2010/06/62310.html

I LOVE THIS WITH MY ENTIRE SOUL!

Favorite Band and Long Lost Disney Movie?!?

Yes Please!

Its possible that I'm about to break.

To much stress, Idk if I can do this all on top of no sleep, flashbacks, and loneliness. At 3am it seems like way to much.

sleep?

Thanks V :D

Weekending :D

Everyone makes one mistake
One more time for old time's sake
One more time before the feeling fades
One that's born of memories
One more bruise you gave to me
One more test just how much can I take
You're not the one,
But you're the only one who can make me feel like this
You're not the one,
But you're the only one who can make me feel like shit

Something never meant to be
Everything you meant to me
Wake me when this punishment is done
Those who try and get away
From the one who gets away
Someone's always someone else's one

You're not the one
But you're the only one who can make me feel like this
You're not the one
But you're the only one who can make me feel like shit
You're not the one
But you're the only one who can make me feel like this
You're not the one
But you're the only one who can make me feel like shit

Until the end of time
In another life
Until the day I die
Just save it up for one more try
Save it for the next goodbye

We go on again off again on again off
You're not the one
But you're the only one who can make me feel like this
You're not the one
But you're the only one who can make me feel like shit
You're not the one
But you're the only one who can make me feel like this
You're not the one
But you're the only one who can make me feel like shit
You're not the one
But you're the only one who can make me feel like this
You're not the one
But you're the only one who can make me feel like shit

Thinking Positive

This week, on top of classes, work, and my internship, I have also put together my entire classes social work project. (Which is going to be huge and crazy)
And made:
White Cheddar Mac and Cheese
Pumpkin Bread
Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins
Pumpkin Apple Butter
Shepherds Pie
Whole Wheat Pancakes
A double decker Butterless, eggless, milkless chocolate cake with Vanilla Greek Yogurt Frosting and raspberries.
:)

Not to shabby.

?

Could this possibly hurt more?


Maybe that should be my turning point? It can't get worse...

It comes and goes in waves.

"I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when i was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?"


You don't get what I miss, you never will. I hate this. I hate the separation and grief that is life. I thought someday you'd understand what I was feeling, but shit. Maybe I really am just alone in all this.
I don't get it.
Everything really does hurt after all.

Halloweekend Part Uno :D

Marylin!!!


Pumpkin Carving... the sad incident where my little guy lost his face :(
Sad Day.

Trying to empty my brain so I can sleep.

The problem with taking classes that I like is that I often can’t stop reflecting on them… And when I cant stop thinking I don’t sleep.. And this has been going on for 4 nights now.. So I ‘m going to have to try something else…

Psych 325 today was about existential therapy…

Some thoughts/notes.

“Meaning like pleasure, must be pursued obliquely. Finding meaning in life is a by product of commitment to a life spent creating, loving, working.”

“The will to find meaning is our primary striving”

“Life is not meaningful in itself, the individual must create and discover the meaning” – Victor Frankl

“He who has a ‘why’ to life for, can bear with almost any ‘how’” – Nietzsche

Heard this. Fell in love.

Well, while you were sitting in the back seat smokin a cigarrette you thought was gona be your last, I was fallin deep, deep in love with you...and I never told you till just now.

Let me go home.

And if we never meet in this life, Let me feel the lack.

The possibility of moving back has shattered me this week. Did I make the wrong decision in coming here at all? Oh, how different everything would have been...
I can't figure out if it would have been better or worse though...

Honestly it makes me sick to think about it all...

Maybe it just came up so that I could re-evaluate? But some days I miss my old life so terribly that I actually feel my heart breaking a little. What haven't I said would give for some of that back?

An is this God giving me a way? Or is this another challenge?
I pray for clarity, daily... because God knows I cant take anymore challenges right now...

Queen of Bad Ideas

Bad Idea of tonight?
Watching "The Way we Were" at 130am...

Hubbell: You hold on and I don't know how. And I wish I did. Maybe you were born committed... I can't get negative enough. I can't get angry enough. And I can't get positive enough.

Katie: Why can't I have you?
Hubbell: Because you push too hard, every damn minute. There's no time to ever relax and enjoy living. Every things too serious to be so serious.
Katie: If I push too hard it's because I want things to be better, I want us to be better, I want you to be better. Sure I make waves you have I mean you have to. And I'll keep making them till your everything you should be and will be. You'll never find anyone as good for you as I am, to believe in you as much as I do or to love you as much.
Hubbell: I know that.
Katie: Well then why?
Hubbell: Do you think if I come back its going to be okay by magic? What's going to change? What's going to be different? We'll both be wrong, we'll both lose.
Katie: Couldn't we both win?

I ache to remember... all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said.

Well.
Congrats Leslie. You survived yet another fall semester massive illness.
Good Grief.


- Now im so homesick I can hardly see straight.. and I'm almost as europsick.

mehh My level of apathy towards everything is as high as my level of nostalgia.. which just makes me nauseous.






Let. ME go BACK.

Yep

God is good. All the time.
Gotta keep remembering that. My stress level will go down.
*Breathe*


*Has a shock top*... couldnt hurt...

Truth.

Sometimes, Im really not sure what the truth even is.
I desperately wish I had someone that i could just go to for everything... but. Thats not how it happens.
Then on monday nights im stuck here thinking.
And coming to the conclusion that we all have to survive. Somehow.

Im not sure how I got here. But everything hurts, and yet nothing really feels that different.

I think I lost myself. Again.

Somedays I dont know why I suck so bad.

Thanks for haunting me pandora...





Im serious.. Pandora stop killing me. I cant handle anymore tonight...

"There will come a time you'll see.."

This is how I survive myself...

"you are going to make it out of there alive. you will live to tell your story. never lose hope."


Friends.
Hope.
Love.

Otherwise i'd be nothing...

Thanks Mav.. you saved me tonight...

I search for this.. I long for this..

-king saul fell on his sword when it all went wrong,
and joseph's brothers sold him down the river for a song,
and sonny liston rubbed some tiger balm into his glove.
some things you do for money and some you do for love love love.

raskolnikov felt sick but he couldn't say why
when he saw his face reflected in his victim's twinkling eye.
some things you'll do for money and some you'll do for fun,
but the things you do for love are going to come back to you one by one.

love love is going to lead you by the hand
into a white and soundless place.
now we see things as in a mirror dimly.
then we shall see each other face to face.

and way out in seattle young kurt cobain
snuck out to the greenhouse, put a bullet in his brain.
snakes in the grass beneath our feet, rain in the clouds above,
some moments last forever, but some flare up with love love love

This is what he said about the song in a radio interview:

"the point of the song is we are very well damaged by the legacy of the romantic poet, that we think of love as a thing that is with strings and is this force for good and then if something bad happens thats not love...I don't know so much about that I don't know that the Greeks weren't right, I think that they were, that love can beat a path through everytihng, that it will destroy alot of things on the way to its objective which is just its expression of itself. You know my stepfather mistreated us terribly quite often, but he loved us and well, that to me is something worth commenting on in the hopes of undoing alot of what I percieve is terrible damage, yet we talk about love as this benign comfortable force:
it is wild."

This is what I'm searching for.. and i suppose why I haven't settled for less. I want something uncontainable.. my heart is capable.. just misdirected.
I want to Love.
Who is going to let me?

Sweet Lester Ann... A story.

?



ok.. not really a story.. but

I have two jobs, and they sort of contradict each other.. like completely

Happy?.. Sad?... Man (cross dressed?) Woman (make up'd) Makeup brushes, Orange... cause its all I could find...