My face is going to crack.

Because I have been smiling so hard all week :D

Nowww that thats over...

HOLY CRAP THE BEST MONTH OF MY LIFE STARTS RIGHT NOWWW!

Aaron is on his way here, will be here any minute for the week we always wanted to have and never got to!
My mom comes on Sunday!
I have monday off of work and school and the three of us are taking a dolphin cruise!
Aaron leaves tuesday, my mom leaves Wednesday and Chrissy comes Thursday and we are going to SEAWORLD!!!
Then I get to go home and spend a whole weekend with my family for fathers day (because I have the perfect one :) And my pregnant sister :D
Then I come home and two days later..
LAUREN IS HERE TO SPEND THE A WHOLE WEEK IN MY BEACH APARTMENT WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy efffffffffff I'm so excited that it makes me not give a damn about what anyone thinks!

....And on second thought...

YOU ARE RETARDED AND IT COULD NOT POSSIBLY ANNOY ME MORE.
You really think if he didn't want me around, I would be?

Whatever, have fun with your misfit club thinking your life and stupid face is so much better than everyone whose ever hurt you. You live an ignorant small pathetic life, and I hope someday you fall right in it.

Suck it, you passive aggressive bitch.

....No one gets it.

And for some reason that always turns out to be a justification.

EVERYONE hates me for this weakness. I think deep down, even he does, really. I know everyone in his life does, and as is pretty evident so does everyone in mine.

I get physically sick... EVERY DAMN TIME.
Stop being so mad at me.. PLEASE? I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to make it go away, but it will always be pressure cooked because everyone over THERE thinks its ALL me, and everyone on my side thinks it's all him...

The truth is always so very hard to find in this. Maybe because it's all so fake?
I just wish I could permanently find my way out...

I'll be ok...

3 more days. I can make it this time. I'm not going to give up so easily.


But I'd like to make note that this is incredibly unfair.

And one of the stupidest and/or evilest plans yet.

The only thing that helps?

Helping myself.

After a year I finally bought my perfume.
Also a brand new yummy blanket
And made myself pretty this week.


And damn it, I'm fine.

One emo post to Rule them all.

Favorite Song/Sleepy Cover


I needed someone last night and everyone was gone. Seriously about the worst feeling ever.

It makes me want to go back into self-preservation mode. I'm not entirely sure why I ever came out of it anyway..

Summa Schedule

May 24 - Aaron!
May 30 - Mama!
June 2 - Chrissy!
June 16 - Home!
June 24 - Lauren!
July 7 - Move in to the new house!
August 2 - Michigan!!!!! :)
Middle of August - Aaron moves. :D
Gah Gah Gah Gah! :D

So excited :D :D :D

Chachachachanges...

Holy crap everything can turn around really fast.

TWO WEEKS! :D:D:D:D

This is turning out way better than I ever thought :)

2007 Redux.

Torn.






This is why my heart behaves the way it does.

When you get what you Pray for.

What did I ask for?
Someone to sweep in and love me for all my flaws. And of course it seems to be coming from the person I least expected it from.
Is it weird because prayers work in the way I least expect them to? Or because I just never saw myself here?
There's always that little bit in the back of my head that makes me sure I'm doing something wrong.

I'm terrified of being happy. :/
But I really want to be.

Fire Flys and Shooting Stars

It's funny, but until I was asked I hadn't really thought about a lot of this stuff about me. But I's interesting to see all written out:

I love the smell of Rain in the woods, and Sprinklers in the summer heat.
I laugh 8 times louder than anyone I know
I can only sleep on my side
I hate chipped nail polish
I have to wash my face with cold water in the morning, but I take hell hot showers.
I always park my car in neutral, which I think is wrong.. but I cant help it.
I hate roses, they remind me of funerals and apologies.
I live in SD, but I cant stand Bob Marley
I can't stand certain color combination, like Blue and Orange. Eeek.
I'm a stark raving liberal but I'd carry a gun. And I can shoot a Beretta with scary accuracy.
I don't believe in cheery cliche's anymore, but I still find some magic in fireflies and shooting stars.
And my only real goal in life is to be able to achieve an original thought.

Best Days!

I tried.

I wanted to talk to you to give you a heads up. But Im not sure you would have cared anyway. Its clear you havent been around lately, and I know one day when I least expect it, you'll pop up again. I guess I'll just have to stop caring.
I've got to live without the fear of everything you are. I deserve this.