I’m HERE! And it even smells like home :D

 

Ive missed this soo much. :D

Im so glad to be back with my bestie!

Day 1: up at 4 nooooo sleep and a crazy day with my best girl.

Perfect :)

 

Loving my new pair of jeans :D

<3

Power napped and on our way to see “The Ugly Truth”

Post- Blue Slushy… te he

The Plannnn! :D

Its so rediculous that I try for you...

"So where were you
When all this I was going through?
You never took the time to ask me
Just what you could do...
I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to
Express how I felt "

Sooooo muchh raandom stufff...my brain is like an omlette of information..bahah

bahaha.. pretty much how i view my past...

ilyinfinityplus0 (1:46:34 PM): GASP!
ilyinfinityplus0 (1:46:36 PM): MOBILE!
LLBL Vincent (1:46:44 PM): ugh sooo good
LLBL Vincent (1:46:50 PM): i havent listened to them in forever
ilyinfinityplus0 (1:47:07 PM): Me neither, I just found my cd
LLBL Vincent (1:47:10 PM): makes me think about summer before jr. year
ilyinfinityplus0 (1:47:12 PM): but now I have to rename all the tracks
LLBL Vincent (1:47:22 PM): THE BEST SUMMER EVER
LLBL Vincent (1:47:27 PM): and i fo sho meant sr. year
ilyinfinityplus0 (1:47:38 PM): I knew whatcha meant
LLBL Vincent (1:47:55 PM): well it was kind of the best summer ever
ilyinfinityplus0 (1:48:09 PM): yeah... except for the whole shitty part.
LLBL Vincent (1:48:09 PM): minus that whole...getting bitched at..being confined in my room, and getting screwed over by my best friend...thing
LLBL Vincent (1:48:13 PM): BAHAHA
LLBL Vincent (1:48:21 PM): yeah we'll go with "that shitty part"
ilyinfinityplus0 (1:48:24 PM): hahaha

waatttchhed across the universe today!!!

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise".

Car Dancing times with Chrissy!!



ok thats all the fun i can take for the moment...

Im making like 80987389427 videos, cause i still cant sleep or do anything else...
bahaha
you'll see them soon..

Well I was up puking all night, so I made a video...cause I couldnt sleep...

I guess its more like a slideshow really, Its just kind of fun I suppose.
<3 you guys!

a post dedicated soley to my sister..who can clap better then anyone I know.. :D

Video - thanks to Rob and Pandora, I love this song....

Sick Puppies – My World - For more funny videos, click here


The good thing is, that im totally used to it, and its all good now..
haha.
Ugh...Volleyball+hot+packing+stress+singing+playing duck games with chrissy = GOOD DAY!
te he

My happiness has yet to wear off!

"The heart may freeze, or it may burn, the pain will ease if I can learn that there is no future, there is no past. I'll live this moment as my last"

You know what I feel like tonight? A small tribute to myself.

6 Months ago I couldn't function. I think i literally lost my mind. In my head, I had lost absolutely everything. The small thread of a relationship that just shattered into a million pieces, had been the only thing holding me together for months. I had absolutely no idea what to do, who to talk to, when to sleep, whether I should even try to go to class, and i stopped eating entirely. I was 3500 miles away from anyone that cared about me, and i had hurt everyone in my life so badly that I couldn't even stand to talk to them.

I think i died a little the night that I sobbed till I passed out with the phone in my hand, and woke up to a dream where it was ringing, but it wasn't. And the worst part was for MONTHS waiting for the phone call that would just take all of the pain away. But not only would it not ring, but when it did nothing ever got any better. In fact it just kept getting worse.

Id like to say to anyone that's reading this, that it was just like a movie, and one day someone came a long and picked me up and i found a reason to live again. But look through these posts…that never happened. In fact getting close to another human being scared the crap out of me for so long that I have hardly spoken to anyone new in these last months.

Nope… It took time. So much time. Filling time with reading, writing, talking, and running, i tried my absolute hardest never to think. Then one day I couldn't stop it anymore, and it got even worse, because I had to face everything I've lost.

It took me months to realize that no one else on Earth felt how I did. I know this sounds selfish, but in all honesty, there wasn't anyone that was going through the exact same thing I was, and I needed to know that in order to face everything I was living, and realize that no one was going to save me from it.

Slowly, very slowly, I began to learn about grief, how to control it rather than vice versa. I remembered how true laughter felt, then shortly after I found whole hours where I could go without feeling as if Id lost myself. I began to find joy again, in good music, in a sunny day, in waking up (sometimes), then in conversation. Trouble was Id find these, and then Id go to bed and forget that anything ever felt better. It became a slow game of repeating days, trying to remember how i felt. Forgetting pain and anger that I felt. Putting things into my day that made getting up worth while.

Slowly the repeating stopped. It became a little less routine to get out of bed in the morning. And sometime in Canada on the beach by myself with no way to get a hold of anyone…I realized that i was no longer afraid of being alone. I think at one point I just started laughing, NOTHING CAN TOUCH ME ANYMORE! Seriously, I've made it through all of this, and you know what? I'm ok! I really really am. I'm alone, I have a plan, I'm confident. I love myself for the first time in my life. hah. I really do, i realize that I'm smart and I care and I have a lot to offer. Whatever God decides he wants me to do with that, for however long I’m left on this Earth, I’m ok with that.

And I really really need to not to forget that again.

:D

Randoommm

Bored, slightly frusterated, waiting to go to the mall to get stuff for the trip, and my feet are BURNT.


But here are some photos, these are taken by stu ballew photography, he has some awesome action shots and portrats. unfortunately im retarded and uploaded them wrong..but heres the link if you want to see all of them. Hes on my Euroterm trip with me this spring.
http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=108458396569#/photo.php?pid=2845329&id=108458396569








And Pandora was totally feeling my mood this morning and found me some pretty awesome songs...






WTF mario? lol, but its a good song..

k pray for my scattered brain, and let me know if you want to talk, i think i may be losing my mind slightly...gah.
Cant. Handle. The. Stress.

Breathing... Breathing... ugh..

Seriously Rough day, Im going to bed and hoping for a better tomorrow :/

4 Days :D

When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away

So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down

'Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

If you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

Singing out
Oh, oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Everything's not lost

Ohhh Canada… Part 2

View Full Album

 

The fun times with my sister and Brennan in Canada!

There shall be videos posted soon.. te he.

First song Ive ever loved for the music and not the lyrics... weird.

But I love it sooooo much

Yay Life!!

Having sooooo much fun!
Beach now, ?Adventure? later, french silk pie tonight, no dr.s appoints till I get back, talked to chrissy and made at least 4 inappropriate "Im on a boat" jokes w.o my mom noticing (te he)
AND I LOVE JARS OF CLAY!!!
They are amazing lyricists.

Shoot a dream in your arm and sleep away
It's not the stuff that kills you, that keeps your life at bay
Every crash pulls you in reach
Of a watershed of signal flares that cover your beach

These are just placebos to make us feel all right
Illusions in our pockets make our feather float us high
For a second I thought I saw you eyelids rise
A moment, something restless caught you by surprise,
Surprise, surprise

We are so beautiful when we sleep
Hearts of gold and eyes so deep, deep, deep
But love won't cure the chaos
And hope won't hide the loss
And peace is not the heroine that shouts above the cause
And love is wild for reasons
And hope though short in sight
Might be the only thing that wakes you by surprise
Surprise, surprise

Dream little one
See the world just begun

Love is wild for reasons
And hope feels short in sight
Might be the only thing that brings you back to life
For a moment I thought I saw your eyelids rise

<3

Yay!

Drive in movie
6 hours of volleyball
Singing
Church Kids
Mars Hill with Astrid And Chrissy.
Now Im off to canada

:D

Great Great Night!

I love Mars Hill. So very much.

Oh my heart feels so much lighter now :D


Pastor Mark Quote of the Night -
"View everything you are, and everything that you've accomplished and put it all in a giant pile. All your stuff, all your belongings, your universities, your degrees, your family, your pets, your gadgets, awards, friends, communication..EVERYTHING. In a giant pile.. What does this verse say? IT WILL BE SET ON FIRE!
Now if your upset by this, you have an idolitry problem
No seriously, your going to get to heaven, with yourself and a pile of kindling, and Jesus is going to be standing there. With a big smile, and a match"

"If thats not ok with you, your saying Jesus isnt enough, and that my friends, is NOT ok."

And now im obsessed with this song...every week it gets me.

When I go, don't cry for me
In my Father's arms I'll be
The wounds this world left on my soul
Will all be healed and I'll be whole.
Sun and moon will be replaced
With the light of Jesus' face
And I will not be ashamed
For my Savior knows my name.

It don't matter where you bury me,
I'll be home and I'll be free.
It don't matter where I lay,
All my tears be washed away.

Gold and silver blind the eye
Temporary riches lie
Come and eat from heaven's store,
Come and drink, and thirst no more

It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away

So, weep not for me my friends,
When my time below does end
For my life belongs to Him
Who will raise the dead again.

It don't matter where you bury me,
I'll be home and I'll be free.
It don't matter where I lay,

WE’RE ON A BOAT! :D

 

Proof that im a trooper, my IV scars are still on

  

Shot glass fail!

Shes scared..

Im flying :D

Omg a sigh of relief...finally.

My last tests came back.
Its finally over.
Im finally better.

Thank the Lord.

Im crying im so happy right now.

:D

My ode to the point loma alum. Greg Laswell....he may not smell very good (haha chris) but i love his music. And recently this song.

This one's for the torn down
The experts at the fall
Common friends get up now
You're not alone at all


This one's for the faithless
The ones that are surprised
They are only where they are now
Regardless of their fight

This one's for believing
If only for it's sake
Common friends get up now
Love is to be made

I am only let to wonder why
Why I try

This is for the ones who stand
For the ones who try again
For the ones who need a hand
For the ones who think they can

It comes and goes in waves I..
I am only left to wonder why
Why I try

More gig :D

K so LOVE this song, but please pay special attention to when i am just staring at rob laughing because ive noticed before he has, that we missed the cutout to the bridge, and now have no where to go.
Its hillarious



An example of the dancing elks attention span :P


Had sang this song once before this...Robs friend wrote it...love the words..hate the cord progression on the verses...not an easy harmony..
lol


Over all though doing this gig was so much fun. The energy in there was great. it was pretty much packed..and I got paid at the end....
ok so i just got free desert from the coffee house..but it was still cool :D
Oh and i should mention that my mouth was bleeding the entire time...again.
REallly awesome.. haha

Rob - "we should sing "nothing but the blood"
bahaha
:D

thanks for listning guys!

I love summer :D (Especially with Chrissy)

View Full Album

 

-Many phrases of the weekend.-

“Goood one”

*anything said* – “boobies” *she makes me 2 years old*

“YOUVE BEEN TRAPPED IN A HORRIBLE EXERSIZE INFORMERCIAL! That’ll be 19.95 please”

“THE BANGS!”

*talk in a creeper doug voice* “I like…big…butts and I. Can not. Lie” (Try it. The whole song. its impossible not to laugh)

“Please come play with me” “Chrissy im sleeping” “PLAY WITH ME!” “OK OK…”

“HEY MISTER…she’s my sister”

“me love you lonnng time “ (In a spa getting our nails done surrounded by Asian people”

“stop…STOP MAKING ME LAUGH I CANT BREATHE”

Yep.

And if that fails then we just send about 897986 text messages to eachother while sitting in the same room, by putting the other persons name in all 10 “to” boxes…bahahaha

I love her :)

And she cried at my gig. Apparently she missed my voice :D