Somedays I dont know why I suck so bad.

Thanks for haunting me pandora...





Im serious.. Pandora stop killing me. I cant handle anymore tonight...

"There will come a time you'll see.."

This is how I survive myself...

"you are going to make it out of there alive. you will live to tell your story. never lose hope."


Friends.
Hope.
Love.

Otherwise i'd be nothing...

Thanks Mav.. you saved me tonight...

I search for this.. I long for this..

-king saul fell on his sword when it all went wrong,
and joseph's brothers sold him down the river for a song,
and sonny liston rubbed some tiger balm into his glove.
some things you do for money and some you do for love love love.

raskolnikov felt sick but he couldn't say why
when he saw his face reflected in his victim's twinkling eye.
some things you'll do for money and some you'll do for fun,
but the things you do for love are going to come back to you one by one.

love love is going to lead you by the hand
into a white and soundless place.
now we see things as in a mirror dimly.
then we shall see each other face to face.

and way out in seattle young kurt cobain
snuck out to the greenhouse, put a bullet in his brain.
snakes in the grass beneath our feet, rain in the clouds above,
some moments last forever, but some flare up with love love love

This is what he said about the song in a radio interview:

"the point of the song is we are very well damaged by the legacy of the romantic poet, that we think of love as a thing that is with strings and is this force for good and then if something bad happens thats not love...I don't know so much about that I don't know that the Greeks weren't right, I think that they were, that love can beat a path through everytihng, that it will destroy alot of things on the way to its objective which is just its expression of itself. You know my stepfather mistreated us terribly quite often, but he loved us and well, that to me is something worth commenting on in the hopes of undoing alot of what I percieve is terrible damage, yet we talk about love as this benign comfortable force:
it is wild."

This is what I'm searching for.. and i suppose why I haven't settled for less. I want something uncontainable.. my heart is capable.. just misdirected.
I want to Love.
Who is going to let me?

Sweet Lester Ann... A story.

?



ok.. not really a story.. but

I have two jobs, and they sort of contradict each other.. like completely

Happy?.. Sad?... Man (cross dressed?) Woman (make up'd) Makeup brushes, Orange... cause its all I could find...

DEAL!

I PROMISE TO BLOG MORE!
....
...
..
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RANDOMIZED THOUGHTTTTS

WE shall see how long this lasts....

"Did I mention that Rexy's favorite midnight snack is little puppies?"

I bought Mollys today... and I can hang shelves tomorrow

I want to go clubbing

I hate sitting here.

I want to pepper spray the kid who just asked me what I thought of bill clinton.

I wish i could be surrounded by darkness and blankets for the foreseeable future.

I want chocolate.

"Im bout to turn into a rude dude"

Chrissy has a cold.. I should send her some tissue

I really hope i dont fall asleep in this box

Mah back huurts

"I turn into a super hero and do good coffee deeds"

I really wish i hadnt eaten so many carrots earlier...

I still want chocolate

I wish I really had a pet t-rex

He'd probably want chocolate too

123 days till my 21st bithday

121 days till I see sara

I wish i was as funny as Allie.

I hope sunshine didnt eat any of my snacks while i was gone...

Cheese is yummy.

RAWR - Im a monster.

Im suffering from brain/soul death.

The A.D.D/caffeine and lateness of this shift causes me to go into a complete state of insanity/brain death.

It has hit one a.m. And the productivity of this week is coming crashing down all around me. I was looking forward to blogging tonight with great excitement, but that was at like 6. Now im angry at the white parts of the page...
Oh well..
I will go with that i was going to say earlier.
///// ^ Me earlier!!!"

Earlier I was practically Santa on crack... I was like;
*bam* Flowers for you
*bam* coffee for you..
need a day brighter HERES SOME WIT AND CHAARRRMMM.
"Homework is no problem for a might warrior!~!~!"
*catches up on everything and is insainely productive!*

In fact Ricco and I were supposed to be doing a lot of stuff at work.. that we didnt really do.. because.. you know i was so busy being productive! I couldnt let a silly thing like hobo's getting on campus worry me!


"YAY, HAPPY COFFEE FRIENDS, MAKING MONEY$$$$$$$$"
- "I've decided that since I get random comments on my blog about how helpful it is and how much work I've put into it, I will COMPLETELY CHANGE EVERYTHING, and start attempting humorrrrr"

That was the idea.. because basically on mondays, all i have is time and soul death... so i might as well not bother everyone that im txting, and just spit it out onto here so that you actually have to voluntarily click on the link instead of having my humor dumped upon you.

Then work trapped me in the box. and now im stuck here.. like a poor helpless little puppy in a glass box at a pet store... All I want is too be let out
00 - Big puppy eyes...

I'm feeling so trapped that I just told Annie I want to go to the zoo and let all the animals out... she said no.
I find this to be unfair.
*pouts some more*


**update**
Annie and I have now spent the last 3 hours having a conversation about who's grouchy animal self would win in a fight..
It was a great white vs. her pet t-rex... but then she trumped me by turning into a zonbie with no vains.. therefore my bite would not make her bleed out... now we are using rap songs as insults...Im bout to take her to church...

mUUUUUUUUUUUUUUsic & cats.

I will marry this man:





And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.



And "Monster" which I cannot post right now because there is not an edited version of it... (thanks for showing me that song....)

hahah I'm obssessed with this girls blog...