yessss

hahahaha in between questionable and unsavory lies *douche* which means sara nadine is always correct

I've missed Ginny.

On my list of things to learn on the Piano :)
(yes there's a list now)

By golly I'll make it through this night!

:/

I painted your house

To pretty up the town
I know what it's like
When we're caught between a crowd

I know you feel alone
Perhaps it's time we grow
Get out on your own
To build a better Rome

Run, head for the hills
And bundle up the kids
We're planning a plot
And praying that our luck
Gets better

I'm piling up my plates
Counting what I've ate
Because I've got places to go
And I need to fit my clothes

I'm grabbing at straws
And bringing you along
Time can tell its tales
And I only half as well

As long as I'm this far
My face won't play the part
Or fit into the mold
To do what I've been told

I painted your house
To pretty up the town
I try to be good
But all I do is wrong

I know you feel alone
Perhaps it's time we grow
And get out on your own
Build a better Rome

I've been on the road
Trying to make a start
And all my pretty things
They just fall apart
But now I'm coming home
And bringing my guitar
I let slip a god
It's nothing that I want

So I really need a book deal.

If for any reason just because I swear I cannot sleep until I write.

And currently my insomnia has lasted about 45 hours. And those were work days.
BUT! On the other hand.. I just got out of bed, took Grace for a walk at sunrise (Which involved literally shoving her off of me and dragging her out the door, poor thing does'nt sleep much when I don't... except you know.. all day) So anyway we walked down to starbucks where I literally said a blessing over the place for being open at 530.. they are gods.. seriously...

So anyway.. Im chipper.. and fiesty.. and well have no other outlet besides you fine people who decide to occasionally check my blog.
Its only 931 EST, which means I could MAYBE try spontaneously annoying the heck out of some of my closest friends.. And its only 621 PST which means that all of the business/money/mail/shipping/ordering crap that I need to hash out cant be done for another 3 hours...
My parents are asleep... and the dog is still irritated that I bothered her...

But after scrutinizing over many seasons of West Wing I can officially announce that I'm either going to find Bradley Whitford and clone him so that I can wait 23ish years and marry his suitable adorable clone.. or if I realize that he's not nearly as witty as Aaron Sorkin made him out to be.. then I'll just marry Aaron Sorkin instead. lol

- I could blame all of this wit and humor on the lack of sleep and caffeine.. but really I'm just happy. Like the real satisfied-joyful kind. I realized on my walk that I'm where I wanted to be... I mean its stressful, and hard some days.. a lot of days actually.. but I actually have accomplished everything I'd hoped to. And being able to do it on my own means a lot to me. I've had so much help from my family.. but getting my car and my apartment without a ring on my finger has some sort of value to me that I can't really describe. Being able to just think back over what I've done this last year, and not feel all the pain.. really meant a lot to me.

Feels good folks.

T-15 days till the move ;)

MY NEW APT!!!!

  

 

I signed my lease this weekend… and Caitlin is all moved in. This is it its real, and I move in 2 weeks..

I’m so excited I’m trying not to squeal.

The kitchen

the hall and sunshine

Living room

Downstairs bath

Upstairs bathroom

My roooom

The Patio

 

Im so happy I cant handle it

Ps.) On an obnoxious note, this girl keeps playing and replaying this song at work, and now its BURNED into my head…

so its all the music I have for tonight “D

Its 3 am.

I cant sleep.
There's something up but I don't know what it is...
Maybe its because I have an exciting day planned tomorrow?
Maybe its because I'm stressed out about time or money?
Maybe its because I now officially am renting my own apartment?
Maybe its because A gets married this weekend which really freaks me out?
Maybe its because I feel behind?
Maybe its because I feel guilty about things?
Maybe its because of my dreams, and my fears that they are real?
Maybe its just from the sheer strength it takes to not call you and check?

Maybe it was just something I ate?

The worry, angst, fear, desire, excitement, stress, and mind-numbing thoughts that I've downed with a cherry coke tonight, are making it near impossible for my eyes to close.

I just have this feeling again, that if I close them I'll let something else sneak up on me...

I’m going to do this…

I have a ton going for me, and a lot of people who love me. I swear days can’t keep being this terrible.

But hey, my best friends engaged and Im signing my lease this week.

This really is me:

"i believe in pink, i believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. i believe in kissing, kissing a lot. i believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. i believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. i believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles. -audrey hepburn

Things will get better.

In the meantime I am kept smiling in my off hours by the wit of Aaron Sorkin, (and the beauty of Bradley Wittford and Rob Lowe)

P.S I love this show. So.. So Much.

Struggling to put my feet down.

Somehow Im supposed to have all the strength to get through all of these new things, completely alone.
I dont.
Im tired.

And I feel so weak because everyone expects more of me...
Im sorry, im broken or something.. but i dont have it.. I really dont.