How do these things end up the way they do, especally when no one really means for them to? How are you supposed to let yourself fall asleep, waking up every morning with a five second stage of confusion where you have to decern weither what you were dreaming was the nightmare or if the real problem is in waking up at all.
Sometimes im just so confused with the way everyone else feels, I dont even know what I feel myself, except for really really broken.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE OK WITH THE ONLY MISTAKE I EVER MADE BEING LOVING SOMEONE!
Ugh, Everyone hates me for that.. WHY IS THAT SO WRONG???
This is my goal, to not be open with anyone ever until they marry me..they will have to love me as a cold hard bitch first. then they will be plesantly suprised.
Im tired of everything and I just want to make SOMEONE happy again, like seriously, anyone.
I think its funny when people say im throwing myself a pity party, I actually feel worse everyone who has to deal with it..
Oh well, my best friend will always make me happy, if theres nothing else here to be happy about.. I cant really get any worse...theres nothing left to be afraid of...so basically all I have to do is make it through this and nothing else will be worse.
* This is my offical promise to myself that I WILL get through this, and as Felisha says "will be such a strong person because of it" ..I sure hope your right..*
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