You know not of my journey, so read. but dont judge.

My listenings -

Lyrics to Tidal Wave - Owl City

I wish I could cross my arms, and cross your mind
Cause I believe you'd unfold your paper heart and wear it on your sleeve
All my life I wish I broke mirrors, instead of promises
Cause all I see, is a shattered conscience staring right back at me
I wish I had covered all my tracks completely cause I'm so afraid
Is that the light at the far end of the tunnel or just the train?
Lift your arms only heaven knows, where the danger grows
And it's safe to say there's a bright light up ahead and help is on the way
(Help is on the way, Help is on the way, Help is on the way...)

Help is on the way
I forget the last time I felt brave, I just recall insecurity
Cause it came down like a tidal wave, and sorrow swept over me

Depression, please cut to the chase and cut a long story short
Oh please be done. How much longer can this drama afford to run?
Fate looks sharp, severs all my ties and breaks whatever doesn't bend
But sadly then, all my heavy hopes just pull me back down again
(Back down again, back down again, back down again...)

I forget the last time I felt brave, I just recall insecurity
Cause it came down like a tidal wave, and sorrow swept over me
Then I was given grace and love, I was blind but now I can see
Cause I found a new hope from above, and courage swept over me

It hurts just to wake up, whenever you're wearing thin
Alone on the outside, so tired of looking in
The end is uncertain and I've never been so afraid
But I don't need a telescope to see that there's hope
And that makes me feel brave


My Readings -

Next time your giant comes calling, try a different tactic. Rush your giant with a God-saturated soul. Amplify God and minimize Goliath. Download some of heaven's unsquashable resolve. Giant of rebellion, you aren't entering my home! Giant of unkindness, it might take a lifetime, but you won't conquer me. Giant of anger, conceit, insecurity ... you're going down. How long since you loaded your slingshot and took a swing at your giant?

Too long? Hardly ever? Never? Then David is your model. God called him "a man after my own heart" (Acts 13:22 NIV). He gave the appellation to no one else. Not Abraham or Moses or Joseph. He called Paul an apostle, John his beloved, but neither was tagged "a man after my own heart."

One might read the rest of David's story and wonder what God saw in him. The fellow fell as often as he stood; stumbled as often as he conquered. He stared down Goliath, yet stared at Bathsheba; defied God-mockers in the valley, yet joined them in the wilderness. An Eagle Scout one day. Chumming with the Mafia the next. He could lead armies but couldn't manage a family. Raging David. Weeping David. Bloodthirsty. God-hungry.

A man after God's own heart? That God saw him as such gives hope to us all. David's life has little to offer the unstained saint. Straight-A souls find David's story disappointing. The rest of us find it reassuring. We ride the same roller coaster. We alternate between swan dives and belly flops, soufflés and burnt toast.

We need David's story. Giants lurk in our neighborhoods, too. Rejection. Failure. Revenge. Remorse. We must face them. Yet we need not face them alone. Focus first, and foremost, on God. The times David did, giants fell. The days he didn't, David fell.

In David's good moments, no one was better. In his bad moments, could one be worse? The heart God loved was a checkered one.